Screw It, Here’s A Sexy Vampires In Videogames List

Look, man, vampires have always been sexy. While their origins change with every culture, the archetypal pop culture vampire embodies everything we secretly love- being posh, decadence and making the concept of basically eating people seem latently sexual.

With that out of the way, here’s some of our favorite creatures of the night from videogames, in no particular order,

Dracula (Castlevania)

Look, you can’t mention vampires in gaming and not bring up Dracula. The dude just wants to die, but humanity keeps bringing him back to be the villain over and over.

So, I know what you’re thinking. You probably think he’s on this list for superficial reasons like his luscious black hair, amazing dress sense  and way with words: “What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets!”

But the real reason he’s on this list is the sexiest quality of all- man loved his wife. Enough to go crazy and try to overrun the world with an army of the night. If your partner isn’t going to destroy the world that many times just because he lost you, what even is the point?

This only got even better with the Netflix series, where you actually got to see big D and the missus hanging out at the start of the series, only for her to be burned at the stake because our boy was so smart he helped advance his wife’s research so much the masses thought her a witch and burned her at the stake for the crime of making people feel better.

Admittedly, it was a close tie with Alucard, the *other* sexy vampire of the Castlevania series. But considering how iconic Dracula is to the series, he deserved this spot more than his sexy blonde son. Plus, like we said. Loving your wife is a huge score multiplier, one that Alucard just hasn’t the access to.

Lady Dimitrescu (Resident Evil Village)

Another no-brainer for this list, Lady Dimitrescu took the world by storm with her amazing performance, intimate relationship with the player (she spends the entire game’s first section chasing after you) and most importantly, height.

Seriously, the internet went crazy for Lady Dimitrescu, with a lot of promotional materials for Resident Evil Village simply being true-scale cutouts of her just so you could see how you’d stack up to her and awaken a new fetish.

Considering the severe uptick in vocal submissives, it’s hard to not credit Lady Dimitrescu with helping so many of them finding their voice to air their fetishes so publicly. And the fact she does that all without being your typical moe-looking girl is a great feat too- actually looking mature beyond just not having giant anime eyes.

Aside from that, there’s also her character- she lives in Castle Dimitrescu with her three daughters producing wine that may-or-may-not-be-made with blood. She’s out here living her best life- free of filthy man-things and lording her superiority (and height) over the other children of Mother Maria.

It takes a huge character to expose the world’s sub tendencies and put it on blast, but Lady Dimitrescu did it, propelling Resident Evil VIllage’s sales in the process, too. And yet, against all odds, it was Chris Redfield who got a figure in the special edition, instead of our vampire dom mommy.

Life isn’t fair, guys.

Nagoriyuki (Guilty Gear)

So a recurring trend among vampires is the more European dress sense- just look at Dracula and Lady D and you’ll see what I mean. Defying all that is Nagoriyuki- a vampire samurai with a cool cybernetic mask that’s sure to touch the hearts of only the edgiest corners of the internet.

Despite that, Nagoriyuki was trained by Guilty Gear’s more prolific night walker- the dandy Vampire assassin and loving husband, Slayer. It shows in the game through various animations, such as their shared round win pose, where they strike an absolutely dandy pose for the camera.

Nago’s appeal is just how little stereotypically vampire he is. No bats, moon iconography, nothing. Instead what you get is his laughably serious take on being a samurai- including an empassioned rant about Onigiri being the perfect meal for a warrior.

He does engage in regular Vampire shenanigans with his Blood Rage, though. But Nago’s place on this list is to show that not every vampire has to be living in a coffin and speaking with a laughably bad European accent- sometimes you just need to be a beefcake with a sick demon mask and a sword bigger than some characters to steal hearts.

Of course, this is a far from exhaustive list of sexy vampires- next year we have Malzeno, a blatantly vampire-themed Elder Dragon coming to Monster Hunter. There’s also plenty of other vampire-themed games like Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines, as well as pseudo-vampires like Bloodborne’s Vilebloods.

Heck, even in fighting games, there’s literally a whole game called Vampire Savior with vampires in it, as well as Tsukihime/Melty Blood if you need them even more anime.

My point is, Vampires are sexy. Happy Halloween, guys.

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